In today's world, we come across many people. Relatively cheap and convenient traveling means allow us to meet different people from many different paths of life. Technology allows people to follow their own interests and discover their own likes, unlike in the past, where the conversation topics were usually determined by media.
As a third-level student, I've come across many, many people. I always assume they're a friend - until they prove me wrong. Despite the numerous betrayals, I will continue to assume the best of them, because everyone deserves a chance.
Despite the number of people I know, I only have one real friend - my boyfriend. It's not that I don't wish to have more, because I do, it's just that they oftentimes prove unworthy of my trust.
As you can imagine, I do get lonely. The relationship that I am in is long-distance. And I do mean, long distance. Over 3,000 miles is a lot, after all. People nearby come and go, depending on whether or not I can help them in something, or if their other friends feel like hanging out.
There are also people who do want to hang out, because no-one hangs out with them, but soon they show why that happens.
Here are the types of friends turned foes I've come across:
These people have time for me - only if they benefit from it in one way or another. They take what they need (be it sex, be it listening to them in their hard times), and then they disappear to their usual friends.
Their only concern is their own butt - they cannot see far past it. Whatever the matter is, it only interests them if it affects them. I've long ago learned not to bother looking for advice; they simply do. not. care. Oh, one decided to do something to benefit them, and fucked up your life in the process? Don't bother looking for an apology - as far as they're concerned, they did nothing wrong. In my experience, I lost €600 and messed up about 20% of my credits last year, because the Selfish One decided to do something spontaneous, but I'll cover this in another post.
I didn't know how to spot them until recently. I was feeling worse and worse, on a mental level, so I decided to follow my life in the past few months and discover how this happened. There was only one persistent pattern here: the Pessimist. There is nothing wrong in being pessimistic, but if that's the only energy you surround yourself with, don't be surprised when people start flying away. My Pessimist did nothing but complain. We wouldn't be friends if my friends from last year stayed in college, but they didn't - they moved on, leaving me friendless. The Pessimist became the person I'd hang out with between lectures, simply because there was no-one else for me to hang out with. People have formed their cliques in first year, and as it is with cliques - they rarely recruit. So, I stuck with the Pessimist. As they say, "He who goes with wolves learns to howl.". I myself became a pessimist, however it had a bad impact on me in general. I became drained of energy, depressed and complaining all the time. I would make excuses for nearly everything, because I couldn't focus. I sucked at college, at work, at life in general, so.. I decided to cut the ropes.
If someone is falling, yet doesn't want to get back up, no reason to get dragged down with them. Cut the ropes, save yourself. No-one else will.
I'm 20, and at this point in life, I have yet to figure out how to make friends. If you have those "friends" in your life, make a list of the positives and negatives they bring into your life. If they cost you too much energy or stress, Leave them behind.
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